Shabbat Gathering: The purpose of Yahrzeit candles.

Brian D. Johnson

21 Feb 2025 • 5 min read

Gud Shabbos Khaveyrim, as is our custom, we will gather tonight at 5.45p ct to welcome Shabbat. These are the coordinates:

Zoom
Meeting ID: 883 8469 4181
Password: 822665
Phone: +1 312 626 6799

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Here we go.

This morning I woke up when my alarms went off, turned off the alarms and went back to sleep. When I finally did wake up, I stumbled into the kitchen for my coffee and noticed, right away, a strange flickering light coming from my sink. “Oh yeah,” I thought. “”That’s my father’s Yarhtzeit candle.” I remembered how I had lit it yesterday. It’s been twenty-one years since my father died.

I receive notices from all sorts of places reminding me when the Hebrew and Christian Yarhtzeits are for my father. I observe both. So, yesterday afternoon, I lit a Yarhtzeit candle, said a prayer and put it someplace safe yet easy to see. Yarhtzeit candles burn for 24 hours, so you need to have a plan about what to do with it while you’re asleep or out running errands or at work. Hence, the fire in my kitchen sink this morning. (The kitchen sink is also where Shabbat candles go if they haven’t already burned out by bedtime.)

What’s the point of Yarhtzeit candles anyway?

I think a lot of us believe that the candle is showing G!d that we are honoring the memory of a loved one. The custom may track back to when we made burned offerings. Maybe, but I have a more personal interpretation of the ritual.

The Yahrtzeit candle in my sink reminded me of my father. “Oh! Yes! I remember, it’s my father’s Yarhtzeit and I’m thinking of him.” I think about my father a lot already. I look just like him except I have more hair on top of my head. My father was a storyteller and sometimes I tell stories. He liked being a well-dressed man and so do I. And my father was sometimes too rough on people and I am too and this is something I’m working on

I don’t think the candle is for G!d. I don’t think it’s for my father. I think the candle is for me. During this twenty-four hour period, I’ll think about my father more than I usually do. And this is good for me for two reasons.

The first is that I think more about the good side of my father. He always had time for people. He was religiously devout and believed in actively participating in the ritual. He wasn’t afraid to make fun of himself in the stories he told.

The second reason it’s good for me to remember my father is all the things he was that I don’t want to be. He didn’t take care of himself . He smoked off and on as long as I knew him. And he was always ready for another meal. That resulted in the typical medical problems and his hard death. I was with him for his last two months and learned I didn’t want to die like that. I think about that almost every day.

I believe, that, in spite of what some people will tell you, there isn’t a “right” way to light a Yahrzeit candle and that there’s a “right” thing to get out of lighting a Yahrzeit candle. You get from the experience what you get. And you get from the experience what you put into it.

And may it be for all of us a blessing.

See you tonight!
Mit vareme grusn,
(With warm regards,)

All my love,
brian.