Shabbat Gathering: Minding our own business.

Gud Shabbos Khaveyrim, as is our custom, we will gather tonight at 5.45p ct to welcome Shabbat. These are the coordinates:

Zoom
Meeting ID: 883 8469 4181
Password: 822665
Phone: +1 312 626 6799

Tonight is the synagogue's Chanukah party and last Shabbat we decided there will be a Shabbat Gathering tonight. I will be attending the synagogue's party.

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Follow up from last week.

When we were saying kiddush last week, we noticed how there's a special way to hold the cup of wine, but we didn't know why. Here's the answer.

Here we go.

Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls. Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him, And makes me poor indeed.
—Iago, Othello, Shakespeare.

A headline on My Jewish Learning recently flew past my eyes: “Is Gossip Always Evil?” Since I already know the answer to that question I didn’t click on the link. I thought about all the different stories I’ve heard about gossip and how, according to some rabbis, it’s one of the worst sins. A recent experience though taught me that I may not have completely digested that lesson.

[Note: I've radically changed the setting for the following anecdote from what actually happed to me in real life because... well, you know, I wouldn't want to gossip.]

I was at a recent Badger women's volleyball game with a very good friend and we saw a couple of people we know in the next section. We waved at each other and that was that. Then, my friend started telling me things about those people, about relationships and ties I didn’t know existed. I fed the conversation by listening attentively and nodding along with the stories.

Volleyball with lashon hara on the side.

After a couple of minutes listening to my friend go on about our mutual friends in the next section, I started thinking of things to say. My friend had part of the story but there were bits and pieces I could fill in. There was some context and continuity I could contribute that would show my friend I was almost as well connected and informed as they were. I had let myself be sucked into gossip. Here I was “discussing” the lives of our neighbors. Gossiping is the better word. I didn't start it, but I was certainly guilty.

Torah teaches us direct lessons about gossip. For example, there’s the story of Moses’ sister Miriam. Moses married Zipporah, a Midianite, and Talmud says that Miriam gossiped about that marriage. And for this, Miriam was punished with “leprosy.” So the lesson here is that we shouldn’t do that sort of thing.

As I’ve grown older, and I’m on the other side of middle age now, there’s more and more about people that I think is none of my damn business. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I don’t think it’s any of my damn business to know who’s sleeping with who. I don’t think it’s any of my damn business how much money someone earns or how they earn it. If someone wants to volunteer this type of information about themselves, that’s one thing, but I don’t think these things and other things have anything to do with their character or should predispose me as to whether or not I like them. Given my own checkered history, far be it from me to pass judgment on others. So, I try my very best not to gossip.

So what should I have done when the gossip started? Should I have called my friend up short and said, “Let’s not gossip.” That path risks a cherished friendship. Rather, I believe I’m socially sophisticated enough to change the topic. I could have interjected, “Wow! Did you see that spike?!” Or “I just heard a great new band. Let me tell you about them.”

It is hard for me not to share some juicy piece of gossip I’ve heard, and it’s even harder for me to avoid hearing it in the first place. But that’s no excuse. I don't think we need to be perfect or can be perfect for that matter. I just need to try harder.

And may it be for all of us a blessing.

See you tonight!
Gud Shabbes!

All my love,
brian.